Knowing that you know nothing

So I’m finally free, after one week of been admitted, at lot of scans, confusion and disturbed sleep, I’m ready to go home for Christmas. I’ve been sleeping in the hall Monday to Friday alongside 2-3 other patients, as all rooms were filled. The Camiño was perfect training for this, earplug in and…. sleeep! Some of the other patients were easily disturbed in their sleep and I can’t imagine how hard it most be going through a lot of pain and getting no sleep. I told them if a room got available, please prioritize others then me, I’m good as is. I was also lucky, as I got the end row of the hall, it had a nice view from the window and a table next to it that sort of became mine.

I’ve had the CTscan last Sunday, PET scan on Wednesday and MR-scan today. Both CT & PET scans have been frustratingly unclear, they basically say: “there is a blob, unsure as to what it is, does not look normal…” They are sticking to to size of it being 5x5x7cm, which to me seams really big, like really really big. The doctors have been incredibly vague in the interpretations of this. Thursday I was on a conference, where surgical, imaging and gastro specialist looked at me. Their best guess is a GISTtumor and therefore they are sending me to specialist at Aarhus University Hospital. The GIST tumor news was a bit of a shock, but the doctor in Aalborg was very adamant about it only being a suspicion, as GISTtumors are very rare, they don’t really have a lot of experience in handling cases such as this. Also they had neither imaging or blood work to back the theory up. It’s been hard for me coping with these theories, all they have come up with is incredibly rare, which in the way I look a things only opens the door for it being a 100 other rare things. Like you poked yourself on a stick and remains have grown around it and now forms an abscess. It never happens and are totally unlikely, but it seams about as probable as a GISTtumors.

But I’m coping quite well I believe, still sleeping good at night and have a healthy appetite, but mentally I’m exhaused, I can cope with this, but I don’t have any energy for dealing with anything else.